"let your boat of life be light, packed with only
what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, someone to love and someone to love you,
enough to eat and enough to wear
and a little more than enough to drink:
for thirst is a dangerous thing"

Thursday, 14 June 2012

how is it supposed to be?

This is something I have had saved for a rainy day.  It made me think and it may make sense to you as well:-

What is it supposed to be?  My 20's and 30's were a bit of a blur of the euphoria of motherhood and being busy (and tired) and trying to do everything correctly and by the book, while living in the heart of suburbia and trying to fit in.  There was always "the picture in my head of how it is supposed to be" -  a lot about living in the perfect house with a picket fence, being the wife, mother and friend that I thought was what I was "supposed to be". In the process I forgot about the "me inside of me", worrying too much about what people thought and painting my own fictional picture of what a "happy family" should be.  My 40's were my time to re-discover myself, only to have my bubble shattered to find out that the families, that for over 10 years, I thought were the "happy way it was supposed to be" families lived lives that were no different to mine (often their "pictures" were far more out of focus than mine). The "picture in our (my) head of how it is supposed to be" was really not what it was supposed to be. (I might have lost you here, 'cos I have nearly lost myself).

Now that the 50's are well and truly here there is a new confidence in appreciating life, family and friends and feeling grateful and happy and loved.  To be able to sit around a table and talk honestly and openly to my friends about our expectations of what we thought our lives would be and where we are now is amazing. What was important to us at 25 and what is important now are poles apart. 

I suppose we have our own path to travel, we have to experience things first hand and one day when we are older and wiser, sit back around the table (preferably with a glass of wine), admit our mistakes, applaud our successes, be thankful for all we have and realise that "this is exactly how it is supposed to be" and be happy.  

I have no regrets because each decision that was taken along the way has put me where I am today and now at 53 years old, I can honestly say that I would not have changed a thing.

The point?  Nobody knows what it is "supposed to be".  There is no picture, paint your own but do what makes you happy.

Deary me, where are these ramblings going to be going to when I am 60?  (Deeper eccentric stuff with a sexual flavour??)

It is quite late and I may have to delete this tomorrow.

My very own vase of white tulips (photographed yesterday morning)
Opening slowly day by day
I am blessed!!

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