"let your boat of life be light, packed with only
what you need - a homely home and simple pleasures, someone to love and someone to love you,
enough to eat and enough to wear
and a little more than enough to drink:
for thirst is a dangerous thing"

Thursday, 12 January 2012

can you follow my train of thought?

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I think it is because of trying to be more mindful that I am becoming a bit too deep and am confusing even myself.  This morning while in the garden with my tea I dug (a bit) and watered (a lot) but all the while I was trying to concentrate on my thoughts on being mindful.   We all have times on our own when we think about nothing in particular and then when we come to the end of our task and thinking we wonder how on earth we got to thinking about liquorice?

Well this mindfulness buzz that I am on has got me analysing the progression of my thoughts and this morning and I was pretty impressed that I could trace back my thoughts to where they always start.

My garden tap is next to the "peace in the home" that Nicky planted for me underneath our plane tree.  This is where my thought processes start most mornings.  It was day that is so clear in my mind when Nicky spent time in my garden with me, she brought along plants and cuttings from her garden and the patch of her "temperamental peace in the home".  It started out as about a dinner plate sized piece of greenery which covered the roots of the tree and has grown and spread between the pavers and now into the grass.

So here is a short ramble of my garden thoughts this morning:-

and as i watered i thought, as always, of nicky 
and her sudden death
and how things can change so quickly
and how the plant keeps growing 
(and i am so happy about that)
and i thought of her son, andrew who is on a super yacht
sailing in the caribbean and of tori who is now working with him
(i think a lot about tori)
and i wondered about
whether they had seen any cricket in the caribbean
and how exciting it must be to see all these new places
especially to watch cricket in the west indies, 
with a cocktail, 
at the kingston oval in barbados
(one of the things on my bucket list)
and i knew that andrew had recently been to new york and
how it would be great to go back to new york
and especially in autumn again 
and to spend a bit more time in central park
and explore it properly
and go back to bryant park
i have just been reading an anne quindlen book set in new york
and think about the place all the time
and then i started thinking about australia and this
website that i had seen last night with this floating houseboat temple 
on the gold coast
which is a wedding venue (very kitsch) 
- a real floating church (i kid you not, steeple and all) -
and i started thinking of the
houseboat at kraalbaai where nicky used to take her friends
for a treat every year 
and how we still went back after she died
and it was wonderful
but never quite the same
and then i thought of weddings on the houseboat and how great
it would be have enough money to hire the boat for a week
not for a wedding
just to relax and float with people you loved
and that february would be a stunning month in which to do it
and then my mind went to ginny (who was also on the houseboat)
who had breast cancer last year and is now doing so well
and i thought of february being next month 
- my birthday month - 
and the mammogram and gynae month
so there are appointments that i must make
and that i was going to be 53 
but before that my father-in-law is
turning 87 on 2 february 
and my brother-in-law, colin from the states is going to be here
and that he wants to organise a party for his dad 
i must phone tom to find out
about hiring the mowbray 
i thought we could move all the wooden tables into one area for the party
if there is newbiebowls on that evening
and once i started thinking about tables i wondered 
whether my mother had
managed to find the small aluminium "wrought iron look" table 
she was looking for to put 
on her patio
at her new home
and then i realised that i have not spoken to my mother all week 
(or my sister)
and i must get hold of them
(but that they could also phone me - we have this childish game in our family)
(joking - i know they read this)
i moved on with the hosepipe to another corner
i have a cape honeysuckle in my garden 
aunty iris bought it for me after one of her visits from england
about four years ago
she died last month
i put the plant in the "naughty corner" not because i was not grateful for it
but if you know me, i try to keep my flowering plants purple and white
and the honeysuckle is orange
(anything that comes up with another colour gets sent to the corner)
the honeysuckle loves the naughty corner and has taken ownership
in fact you can't see my lemon tree anymore and michael finds
it hard to get to his rain gauge
and i thought of aunty iris 
and i felt a bit guilty about banishing her plant to
the corner when it is a very striking plant (to some)
but it is a bit boisterous and unruly and probably deserves to be in the corner
but it is special because of where it came from
and i know aunty iris would not mind
because she was lovely and kind and would be pleased to know it was flourishing 
in my garden and that i treated it kindly
i moved on towards the front door and
while watering the grass i found a baby ice cream bush 
starting to grow in the grass, 
so i dug it out 
and put it in a small tub and looked at the enormous ice cream bush 
from which it has grown
and how it came from mrs carolin's garden in argyle road 
about 12 years ago 
and i wondered who had moved into her house 
and what her original wonderful ice cream bush 
looked like now 
and i hoped that it was still there
and that it had not been pulled out to make place for buildings
and thought that i should walk past the house on one of my morning walks 
and see if i can see it and 
i thought it weird 
that she too was now dead 
and her plant continues to spread and grow in my garden
right next to where nicky's greenery is spreading into my lawn
and not far from where aunty iris's honeysuckle has taken occupation
and then i tried to remember where i had read something about breathing
and getting comfort in breathing 
because it is like a thread that binds
us all together and as one person stops breathing 
another starts breathing and 
it is like a chain that started at the beginning of creation 
and will continue until the end of the world 
and that there is nothing we can do about it 
so we should enjoy 
every breath we take 
and i then thought 
that plants also work that way 
and would nicky have ever thought that her "temperamental peace in the home" would 
live longer than she would and that every morning as i watered it i would think
about her and the day she planted it for me?
and then i was back to the spot where i started,
turned off the tap, rolled the hosepipe and headed inside to face the day
(funny how the thoughts went full circle and stopped at the place i started)

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Anyone seen my heart - definitely lost?

I am just weird and this mindfulness is probably playing with my mind.  It is fine to think all these things but when written down any psychiatrist would probably prescribe immediate medication.  

Please say it happens to you too.

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