Monday, 21 January 2013
thoughts on blogging
I have been thinking about this blogging addiction lately and it is confusing me a bit. My main reason for starting the blog was to get some confidence with my writing and start this off as a platform for putting my often random thoughts down on paper and hopefully work towards my book.
Well it has now been quite a long road which has produced a steady stream of posts - nearly 390 posts since April 2011.
I realise that I am a person of contrasts. I do not seek attention and hate drawing attention to myself. My Friday post received more comments than usual and also resulted in a couple of emails and sms messages as well. All very much appreciated and I am glad it was enjoyed, but at the same time it was a bit overwhelming and got me thinking.
Why do I say contrasts? On the one hand I like to know that people are reading my blog - I do push the "stats" button every couple of days to see what is happening and get pretty excited when I see that some unimportant posts from way back are still getting read.
Then I write another post, put quite a lot of effort into and it gets very little response (and then that makes me insecure). Should I just remove it? Why am I feeling insecure? It is just a blog that I am doing for myself (or is it?).
I have now started to thrive on the number of "likes" I get, which I suppose is interpreted as "attention seeking" and is very contrary to my "wear black and go unnoticed" policy. I probably need counselling.
Then there is Michael. He is not computer literate and I used to print out the posts for him from time to time so that he could read them too. But since I have been on the road and not desk bound he has not received any hard copy for ages. After writing a post like I did on Friday about his mother and concerning him, people made comments to him about it and I realised that perhaps I should print it out for him to read. So I did and went to hide away while he read it.
Before I gave it to him, I re-read it and thought that I perhaps am starting to come across as a "do-gooder" and painting a far better picture of myself than what I really am. I write honestly and usually without re-reading and, if you know me, the writing is very much how I speak (sorry, babble).
I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend who does her best and feels the need to uplift people more than to write about the sad and bad. I feel that I have got to know my audience too. I can pre-empt a comment from Judy or Hope when I post any music, I know those who love to see my garden, and those who prefer to read about wine or family stuff. It is satisfying when I hit a cord with my words (or the words of a song or a poem). I sometimes sit for ages trying to make a decision about one sentence because I know it is going to make my mother cry. Then I often leave the sentence in and wait for the sms "You made me cry". (I have a cruel side).
The main point: - I thank you for your support and the fact that you let me know when you enjoy a post but I am not a saint or amazing or incredible (in fact I am very ordinary). I am not doing this for accolades or to make myself out to be special - because I am no different to anyone else. I try to always be positive and I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with a happy disposition so I do find it easy to look for the good in most situations.
I am not sure whether this post has made any sense. I'll leave it up to you to let me know.
I am looking forward to getting my teeth into some meatier stuff in 2013 and am starting a series "Letters to Amy and Kelly"
So expect a lot more to come but remember it is me, Jenny (the wine loving and selling, menopausal one who best get moving and be off and sell some wine).