juststuff: a champagne story

Thursday, 5 January 2012

a champagne story

“I only drink champagne when I'm happy and when I'm sad.

Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone.

When I have company I consider it obligatory.

I trifle with it if I'm not in a hurry and drink it when I am, otherwise I never touch the stuff unless I am thirsty. ”

Lily Bollinger

I found a little bonus on the 23rd December last year. I ran into Woolworths at Palmyra Junction before work to buy some eats and drinks for our office party. I looked at the wine selection and spied a magnum of Villiera Brut icy cold in the fridge. It was priced at R125.99 and taking into account that it was 2 bottles of the R79.99 bottles, even with my basic maths skills, it was a bargain. I bought one for the office and one for myself and I bought myself a bottle of the rose magnum as well (for our party the next night).

I got to the office, put the champagne into the fridge (with difficulty - it is a bar fridge) and took the slip out of my purse to hand to our bookkeeper for a refund of what I had bought for the office. On studying and marking off on the slip I noticed that the champagne was marked as a special, at half price 1.5 litres for R64.99!! Well once the office party, snacks and game was over I headed back to Woolworths in search of more. Nothing in the fridge. At the till I thought it a good idea to ask the teller if they had anymore of the large bottles of champagne. She called the manager. The queues were long and I was feeling a tad guilty about holding things up so paid for what I had already taken and told the cashier to call for her next customer, I would wait. A tall, burly, suntanned, mid-60's man arrived (with docksider shoes and a bright orange cotton pullover over his shoulders - you know the kind?). The manager arrived asking me how many bottles I wanted. (Now not being 100% sure of what the price was and whether it was maybe a mistake on the till the last time) I did not want to ask for too many and then not be able to pay for it, so I asked for 3 bottles (because even at R125.99 it was a bargain). Then the twerpy manager announces loudly "They are half price you know, and I only have one case left!!". With that Mr Bolshy (who I had the kindness to allow to come to MY till and pay for his turkey, 3 gammons, 12 red wine glasses and toilet rolls (I always check out what people are buying)) announces in a very loud, booming voice "I'll take the case!!". ANTHONY HOPKINS (the name Michael and I use for a*s% holes - AH get it?!). I was flummoxed and speechless and lucky for him had just pasted my hormonal patch on my back that very morning - so when he thanked me for the tip and told me what wonderful champagne it was, I just smiled, while at the same time giving him a steely stare. He may have felt my resentment which made him show some courtesy and allow me to pay for my 3 bottles once he had paid for his turkeys and stuff (and while he waited for the case that he now "stolen" from me to arrive). As I left (in a huff) with my trolley I am sure I could hear him whistling to himself. A serious ANTHONY HOPKINS!!! I hope he drank too much of the stuff over the Christmas period, flirted outrageously with diamond decked woman, got a slap from his wife and got gout so badly that his fancy pancy docksiders would not fit onto his sunbed tanned foot forcing him to wear sloppies for the rest of the year!!

I am still struggling to find the moral to the story. Don't ever let anyone come to your till ahead of you while you are waiting for attention? Don't trust men with colourful cotton jerseys over their shoulders? Don't worry about your hormonal patch on a day when you may need to be more assertive? Take Gillian P Steyn shopping with you? (she takes no prisoners).

Anyway, I still have 2 of my magnum's left - Bet he doesn't? And I know Bob Roux who is a very influential person at Villiera - Bet he doesn't?? (when in a corner, name drop - I learnt that from Bob!!)