can you follow my train of thought?

I think it is because of trying to be more mindful that I am becoming a bit too deep and am confusing even myself.  This morning while in the garden with my tea I dug (a bit) and watered (a lot) but all the while I was trying to concentrate on my thoughts on being mindful.   We all have times on our own when we think about nothing in particular and then when we come to the end of our task and thinking we wonder how on earth we got to thinking about liquorice?

Well this mindfulness buzz that I am on has got me analysing the progression of my thoughts and this morning and I was pretty impressed that I could trace back my thoughts to where they always start.

My garden tap is next to the "peace in the home" that Nicky planted for me underneath our plane tree.  This is where my thought processes start most mornings.  It was day that is so clear in my mind when Nicky spent time in my garden with me, she brought along plants and cuttings from her garden and the patch of her "temperamental peace in the home".  It started out as about a dinner plate sized piece of greenery which covered the roots of the tree and has grown and spread between the pavers and now into the grass.

So here is a short ramble of my garden thoughts this morning:-

and as i watered i thought, as always, of nicky 

and her sudden death

and how things can change so quickly

and how the plant keeps growing 

(and i am so happy about that)

and i thought of her son, andrew who is on a super yacht

sailing in the caribbean and of tori who is now working with him

(i think a lot about tori)

and i wondered about

whether they had seen any cricket in the caribbean

and how exciting it must be to see all these new places

especially to watch cricket in the west indies, 

with a cocktail, 

at the kingston oval in barbados

(one of the things on my bucket list)

and i knew that andrew had recently been to new york and

how it would be great to go back to new york

and especially in autumn again 

and to spend a bit more time in central park

and explore it properly

and go back to bryant park

i have just been reading an anne quindlen book set in new york

and think about the place all the time

and then i started thinking about australia and this

website that i had seen last night with this floating houseboat temple 

on the gold coast

which is a wedding venue (very kitsch) 

- a real floating church (i kid you not, steeple and all) -

and i started thinking of the

houseboat at kraalbaai where nicky used to take her friends

for a treat every year 

and how we still went back after she died

and it was wonderful

but never quite the same

and then i thought of weddings on the houseboat and how great

it would be have enough money to hire the boat for a week

not for a wedding

just to relax and float with people you loved

and that february would be a stunning month in which to do it

and then my mind went to ginny (who was also on the houseboat)

who had breast cancer last year and is now doing so well

and i thought of february being next month 

- my birthday month - 

and the mammogram and gynae month

so there are appointments that i must make

and that i was going to be 53 

soon 

but before that my father-in-law is

turning 87 on 2 february 

and my brother-in-law, colin from the states is going to be here

and that he wants to organise a party for his dad 

i must phone tom to find out

about hiring the mowbray 

i thought we could move all the wooden tables into one area for the party

if there is newbiebowls on that evening

and once i started thinking about tables i wondered 

whether my mother had

managed to find the small aluminium "wrought iron look" table 

she was looking for to put 

on her patio

at her new home

and then i realised that i have not spoken to my mother all week 

(or my sister)

and i must get hold of them

(but that they could also phone me - we have this childish game in our family)

(joking - i know they read this)

i moved on with the hosepipe to another corner

i have a cape honeysuckle in my garden 

aunty iris bought it for me after one of her visits from england

about four years ago

she died last month

i put the plant in the "naughty corner" not because i was not grateful for it

but if you know me, i try to keep my flowering plants purple and white

and the honeysuckle is orange

(anything that comes up with another colour gets sent to the corner)

the honeysuckle loves the naughty corner and has taken ownership

in fact you can't see my lemon tree anymore and michael finds

it hard to get to his rain gauge

and i thought of aunty iris 

and i felt a bit guilty about banishing her plant to

the corner when it is a very striking plant (to some)

but it is a bit boisterous and unruly and probably deserves to be in the corner

but it is special because of where it came from

and i know aunty iris would not mind

because she was lovely and kind and would be pleased to know it was flourishing 

in my garden and that i treated it kindly

i moved on towards the front door and

while watering the grass i found a baby ice cream bush 

starting to grow in the grass, 

so i dug it out 

and put it in a small tub and looked at the enormous ice cream bush 

from which it has grown

and how it came from mrs carolin's garden in argyle road 

about 12 years ago 

and i wondered who had moved into her house 

and what her original wonderful ice cream bush 

looked like now 

and i hoped that it was still there

and that it had not been pulled out to make place for buildings

and thought that i should walk past the house on one of my morning walks 

and see if i can see it and 

i thought it weird 

that she too was now dead 

and her plant continues to spread and grow in my garden

right next to where nicky's greenery is spreading into my lawn

and not far from where aunty iris's honeysuckle has taken occupation

and then i tried to remember where i had read something about breathing

and getting comfort in breathing 

because it is like a thread that binds

us all together and as one person stops breathing 

another starts breathing and 

it is like a chain that started at the beginning of creation 

and will continue until the end of the world 

and that there is nothing we can do about it 

so we should enjoy 

every breath we take 

and i then thought 

that plants also work that way 

and would nicky have ever thought that her "temperamental peace in the home" would 

live longer than she would and that every morning as i watered it i would think

about her and the day she planted it for me?

and then i was back to the spot where i started,

turned off the tap, rolled the hosepipe and headed inside to face the day

(funny how the thoughts went full circle and stopped at the place i started)

Anyone seen my heart - definitely lost?

I am just weird and this mindfulness is probably playing with my mind.  It is fine to think all these things but when written down any psychiatrist would probably prescribe immediate medication.  

Please say it happens to you too.